She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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