omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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