I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
