Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
