Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
