Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
