I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
