Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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