Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
what day is it and did you see me today?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
