i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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