hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
