Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
