Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
