I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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