I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
