I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
