Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't turn off my feet"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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