Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
