i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
