After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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