in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
