with your own penis?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
