It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
