Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
