We named our party play list daddy issues
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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