But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
