I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
