so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
