Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
