if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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