Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
