Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
