I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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