Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
