Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
