I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
