he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
