i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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