That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
