I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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