You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
