I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
