pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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