Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
