I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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