I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
