Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
