So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
