she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I did not marry a roomba.
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