are you still at the devil's house?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
