Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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