I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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