so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
