Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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