Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
