I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
