sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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