it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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