Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
